Bad parents on a guilt trip

The Melbourne Age Newspaper recently published a survey that found; “the majority of British parents believe they are doing a bad job of bringing up their children and are constantly plagued by guilt.”

According to the findings, mothers and fathers of teenagers are most likely to be hit with bouts of self-doubt and confusion over how best to treat their offspring as they grow up.

The report found many women seek parenting advice from their friends as a first port of call, yet men are more likely to turn to their own mothers for advice. Men are also more likely to pick up books and magazines or search websites rather than ask their wives or partners.

The UK poll found:

• 54% claimed they were not good mothers or fathers and said they lacked basic confidence in their ability;
• 63% admitted they were racked with guilt on a daily basis over their perceived lack of parenting skills.
• 19% said they had total confidence in the way they raised their children and
• Just one in four believed they were better parents than their own mothers and fathers.

Maybe all that’s not so surprising. One thing for sure is that is good parenting is really about getting the fundamentals right.

• The most important thing that you can give your child is unconditional love. If they mess up, aim your pep talk at their actions, not them personally (it’s not you, Mary, it’s what you’re doing that upsets me);
• The next most important thing you can do is instill in them a sense of self-value. No matter if they’re academic or not, sporty or not, they all need to have a sense of their own value and know they are loved;
• Be consistent. Decide what the rules are and stick to them. Inconsistent parents are a growing child’s worst nightmare simply because the rules change all the time.
• Don’t let them play mum off against dad. Kids are great at this. Always confer with your partner, then make a decision. If it sometimes seems harsh later, live with it, but learn from it yourself;
• Don’t confuse buying presents with being there;
• Help them achieve a balanced diet to maintain optimal health. Load them up with organic food in all five food groups;
• When young teenagers ask after school on Monday to go out somewhere risky with friends on Friday, don’t say “No” and fly off the handle, try “I’ll think about it”. You’ll find that in most cases, come Thursday, other parents have said no and the whole thing is off, saving you from being the ogre once again. So hold your counsel! If it is on, have a discussion about the details, call other parents, check on supervision.
• Encourage them to try new things as much as you can. Give them experiences and a passion for learning. Doesn’t matter if its bike-riding, woodwork, checking out the night sky from a blanket in your back-yard or cooking pancakes.
• In our experience, like most things in life, you get out what you put in.

Yes, parenting can be tough but we are all equipped with the skills.

There is no manual to refer to other than your common sense and talking over your approach with your partner. But don’t sweat the material things, concentrate on a consistent family framework, however your family is made up, and it should work out fine for everyone.

Read more: http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/bad-parents-or-trying-too-hard-20110829-1ji30.html#ixzz1WUHJh4FN

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